Alright, so you probably can’t get rid of it, but you can make it look like it’s defective. Make it look like it’s sending way too many false positives. Find somewhere where you can get away with making obvious mistakes and then make like fifty of them in a row. “Why would I, an intelligent human being, just sit in the middle of an empty street doing donuts in an 18-wheeler for 10 straight minutes? I have a job to do,” you say. If you got one of those “constantly monitoring everything you say” things Amazon tried rolling out, just start spouting random gibberish. Some pencil-pusher at HQ sees a transcript come back that just says “reptile shoestring meridian front sawdust henway ball Amtrak septuagint ladder correct horse battery staple java thorpe 2 Chainz” over and over for like 40 pages, worst-case scenario he’s not gonna read it, best-case scenario he’s gonna think the company’s paying way too much for shit that don’t work.

The sewage was no doubt very upset to see its creek being contaminated by RFK Jr.

Ugh. Hate when that happens.

You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe…! I lost my train of thought.

as performed by 😭s 4 😱s

I have an associate’s degree from a community college that rebranded their “general studies” program to the “arts and sciences” program to fudge their numbers for a bigger STEM endowment, so… do I just wait for them at the airport, or what?

My class was set to graduate right around the time the pandemic hit and a lot of people ended up graduating late because the school literally couldn’t offer the classes they needed to finish their degree. Anyone to whom your date of graduation is actually relevant likely isn’t going to bat an eye at anyone who was in college within the last 5 years graduating a couple months late.

And, of course, there’s that old stand-by moral of “the only reason it seems like all your peers are doing better is because the ones in the same situation as you aren’t going on social media to brag about it.” So don’t rely on that as a metric too heavily.

Honestly, if I’m the defense, this has gotta be awesome, right? Now, I’m not a lawyer, but I have watched Boston Legal twice, so that’s basically the same thing, and what I’m hearing is these people want to get up on the stand and show the jury a video which either:

A) to the particularly inattentive, shows the victim clearly alive, or

B) demonstrates that even video evidence can be completely fabricated from whole cloth, and the opposition is more than capable of doing so to serve their own interests

Barring the staggeringly unlikely event that the defendant goes full-on Perry Mason Perp and outright says “hey, sorry I killed you, man” to the hologram, this seems like a pretty sweet deal.

Or some scheming vice admiral with designs on world domination keeps claiming that fighter jets are falling off his aircraft carriers, to cover up the fact he’s secretly smuggling them to the subterranean hangar under his island volcano lair…

inevitable syntax ambiguity aside, “deskill-ling” would be a good term for someone who has been de-skilled

They spell it out under their FAQ but I doubt that’s legally binding

nah, see, you got

1. self-aggrandizing unelected bureaucrat
2. intentionally sabotaging government programs to make his own vanity project look better
3. blind obsession with deeply-flawed and barely-functional technological monstrosity
4. claims sole credit for his program’s achievements despite, at best, hiring the guy that hired the guy that hired the guy to build the schematic that some other guy gave him
5. definitely blackmailing his boss
6. barely committed to his administration’s political agenda beyond whatever inflates his own ego
7. nazi cosplay
8. not a real face

dude’s not Vader, he’s Tarkin. Vance is the moody teenager from bumfuck nowhere who suddenly started sucking the spiteful old warlock’s dick despite years of going on about how much he hates his whole deal, likely screwing over his wife in the process, making him Vader. and I guess Obi-Wan is Pope Francis because Vance definitely killed him.

How much food and what is it?

…Did we mention it doubles as a convenient dumping ground for mob snitches?

in case you want to self-host your own algae, I guess

“I have some real problems with this SVU script. We can’t say ‘dick wolf’ on TV!”

Any weapon can be a blunt weapon if you’re holding it wrong

Motherfucker looks like he sleeps in a space blanket and knows a lot about the Magna Carta.

man, you love to see a profane obelisk towering over a barren wasteland with some sort of fucked-up sun. nothin says “shit’s about to go down” quite like like a fucked-up sun obelisk.

You just summoned, like, 5⅓ Beetlejuices. Beetles Juice?

“Hale and well-met, everybody.”

“Nørmr!”

“What would you say to an ale, there, Nørmr?”

“I’d say ‘Make peace with the spirits of your ancestors, for you shall soon greet them in Valhalla.’”